Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
30/11/10
Essay 9 Graphic Organizer
Main Point: Carton is a fighter
Bell word: brave
Thesis: Carton does not give up
TS: Sick people fight
CM: No one says “good job”
CM: Same with Carton
TH: Carton fights against all odds
TS: Carton is brave
SD: He keeps fighting
CM: Much abuse
CM: He still works
SD: Lucy cares little for him
CM: She is nice to him
CM: She deceives him; he knows
SD: He puts himself down
CM: He drinks
CM: He is depressed
CS: He takes a lot of abuse; he does not stop
TS: It is all in his head
SD: He needs to think highly of himself
CM: He has no self confidence
CM: He could be a better person
SD: Darnay is a cruel person
CM: Carton looks up to him
CM: Darnay is a bad influence
SD: He needs to accept his life
CM: He is where he is
CM: He needs to just suck it up
CS: Carton could be a bolder character
Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
5/12/2010
According to the Webster’s II New Riverside Dictionary, the definition of brave is, “Having or displaying courage; to face or endure courageously. When a chair sits old, and dilapidated and dusty, or decrepit and done for, waiting for the mold to take you, in some dark, echoing corner, no one turns to it and says, “Good job chair! You have done a great job.” Sydney Carton describes himself as an “old […] piece of furniture.” However, Carton is brave by enduring the lack of encouragement as he soldiers on with supporting the world on his drunken shoulders.
Carton could be considered one of the bravest characters in the book A Tail of Two Cities for he has to go through a lot everyday. Ever since he was first introduced, he was abused and frowned a pone by all other characters. Even with all this maltreatment, Carton continues to live through the book; Not committing suicide, he keeps his job and lives to fight another day. On top of all this misfortune, the one person who he loves cares little for him. Lucie Manette, the golden haired doll, the jewel of the book, is nice to Carton though only through the kindness of her pure soul, not the affection of her heart. She has cleverly deceived him though it seems like Carton knows this, and this only makes him only more depressed. When it looks like things could not get any worse for Sydney Carton, they do, for not only does everyone he knows put him down, but he puts himself down too. Sydney Carton is a heavy drinker and we know that drinking actually has a negative effect on you mood and your wallet. He also puts himself down a lot by not thinking little of himself; he believes everything bad people say about him causing his self confidence to plummet as if dropped from the top of a mountain where it can soar free until it crashes dramatically into the sea.
Carton may be valiant, but he does have a definite problem; however, there are some ways that he could solve this problem. Carton really needs to start thinking highly of himself. He has no self confidence which is denying himself from getting off the ground. He could also be a better person; he needs to stop standing against the wall and get into the conversation. Darnay is a cruel person, and he is especially cruel to Carton. Darnay is a terrible influence on Carton. Carton really needs just to accept life as it is and move on. He needs to accept who he is and see how far he can take himself into the world. If he just sucked up what has happened to him in the past few years and moved on, he could be a lot bolder. For Carton to “fix” his life, he really needs to get some self confidence, find some real friends and move on to the next page.
Sydney Carton may be a weak person, but he continues to live, and will all his problems, could make him one of the braver characters in A Tale of Two Cities. He sees very little affection from anyone. The only thing he really has seen his whole life are unmovable obstacles placed by his piers. It was hinted not long after Cartons introduction, that he might not want to continue on living, but some years have passed and he continues to fight life.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Essay 8
Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
16/11/10
Essay 8 Outline
TS: What we do does matter
Bell word: minute
Hook: Space is huge
Comment: We don’t even know what is there
Comment: Earth is small
Thesis: Very small but we still make a difference
Topic Sentence: Dickens is wrong
Echo: microscopic, miniscule
SD: People are complex
Comment: We are bigger and more important
Comment: We do not have “mere human knowledge”
SD: We are here and we matter
Comment: We need to take care of ourselves
Comment: There might not be other people out there
Conclusion: We ourselves are what is here, we are most important
Topic Sentence: We can’t listen to Dickens here
Echo: infinitesimal, insignificant
SD: We need to think we are important
Comment: We can’t always clean up for everyone else
Comment: As a world, we need to know Earth is important
SD: We can’t top everything
Comment: Compete w/ something that might not be out there
Comment: Human nature
Conclusion: Dickens is wise, but he might be wrong here
Ben’jamin Dameron
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
18/11/10
A Small People, a Big Universe:
An Essay about People and Space
All of space and time and all of existence for ever past and into the future of tomorrow are huge. It is so big and goes back so far and will continue for so long, that we have no clue on what is really out there. Compared to the vastness of space and time, we humans in our little corner room, in our little time, are emotively minute (FAST words(Bell word)). However, Earth is so small and space and time so big, that we should care little about them; we should care about what is happening here, and here is what matters.
I believe that in chapter 16, Dickens says that we, humans, in all of our brilliance, are microscopic in comparison to all of space and time, and Dickens may be very wrong (appositive). Dickens states that we have only, “mere human knowledge” but are minds have expanded that far from our humble beginning that only a heartless man could say they were mere. We are big; we are huge, and we disserve more than to be a worthless pile of life on a mound of dirt and water. Dickens implies that there is a greater being out there somewhere, being religious, or alien, but no matter what it is, we no more about it than in Dickens time and there is no evidence to support there being something there; we are here, and we are what matter. Instead of researching or bowing our heads to something that might not be real, we as a race should focus on “split[ting that one] ray of light” instead of dreaming of that maybe person that can split our planet. There might not be anything out there, but we know we are there, so why worry our little noggins about being so miniscule(FAST echo). We do not know if something is really out there, so we may hide our stony faces if we want, but we should not fantasize over something that might not be real.
If my theory about Dickens’s passage is correct, we as a human race cannot listen to him. Our infinitesimal little race is not doing very well. We are abating the planet and doing very little about it. If the humans are not doing well, we should not be putting ourselves down with books that say that we have, “mere human intelligence”. It also might not be wise there are extra terrestrial beings somewhere out there in space and time, making us even more insignificant, a useless luxury to galaxy, as a diamond is to a watch, for the watch does not need the diamond to function, and it does not make it work any better, but, people need to feel important, like the spring in the watch that is necessary for the constant ticking and tocking. Something very enthralling about humans is that we always have to be best. If there is something out there better than us, humans will not resist from trying to top it. It may be unwise to put ourselves down, or try to top aliens out in space, so we really must believe that Dickens’ passage is wrong.
One of Dickens’s pieces of writing in A Tale of Two Cities could be interpreted as saying that there is a much greater being than humans and that we are small compared to them. It could seem like he is saying that it does not matter what our name was or how long our name lives in songs and stories, because we are nothing compared to the vastness of space and time. With all the problems in the world, we really need to be encouraging ourselves so it might be unwise to listen to Dickens. However, no matter how big the edges of space and time go out into the dark unknown, we need to know that our walls and cities can stretch to the edges of our planet and all that we know.
Self Assessment
1. One problem that I am continuing to work on in my writing is my opening and closing paragraphs. I really just have a hard time getting all my ideas into a small paragraph. Often I end up with long confusing sentences that really could be a lot smoother.
2. My greatest strong point in this piece of writing I believe is my cumulative sentence in my second body paragraph. I believe that it is a great piece of writing that really enhances the paragraph.
3. The one big weakpoint in this essay has got to be my second body paragraph. I don’t feel like I got all my ideas down strongly enough. This makes the paragraph hard to read and it bounces around ideas a lot.
4. I believe that there are strong parts and weak parts in this essay and I would be quite pleased with a B-.
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
16/11/10
Essay 8 Outline
TS: What we do does matter
Bell word: minute
Hook: Space is huge
Comment: We don’t even know what is there
Comment: Earth is small
Thesis: Very small but we still make a difference
Topic Sentence: Dickens is wrong
Echo: microscopic, miniscule
SD: People are complex
Comment: We are bigger and more important
Comment: We do not have “mere human knowledge”
SD: We are here and we matter
Comment: We need to take care of ourselves
Comment: There might not be other people out there
Conclusion: We ourselves are what is here, we are most important
Topic Sentence: We can’t listen to Dickens here
Echo: infinitesimal, insignificant
SD: We need to think we are important
Comment: We can’t always clean up for everyone else
Comment: As a world, we need to know Earth is important
SD: We can’t top everything
Comment: Compete w/ something that might not be out there
Comment: Human nature
Conclusion: Dickens is wise, but he might be wrong here
Ben’jamin Dameron
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
18/11/10
A Small People, a Big Universe:
An Essay about People and Space
All of space and time and all of existence for ever past and into the future of tomorrow are huge. It is so big and goes back so far and will continue for so long, that we have no clue on what is really out there. Compared to the vastness of space and time, we humans in our little corner room, in our little time, are emotively minute (FAST words(Bell word)). However, Earth is so small and space and time so big, that we should care little about them; we should care about what is happening here, and here is what matters.
I believe that in chapter 16, Dickens says that we, humans, in all of our brilliance, are microscopic in comparison to all of space and time, and Dickens may be very wrong (appositive). Dickens states that we have only, “mere human knowledge” but are minds have expanded that far from our humble beginning that only a heartless man could say they were mere. We are big; we are huge, and we disserve more than to be a worthless pile of life on a mound of dirt and water. Dickens implies that there is a greater being out there somewhere, being religious, or alien, but no matter what it is, we no more about it than in Dickens time and there is no evidence to support there being something there; we are here, and we are what matter. Instead of researching or bowing our heads to something that might not be real, we as a race should focus on “split[ting that one] ray of light” instead of dreaming of that maybe person that can split our planet. There might not be anything out there, but we know we are there, so why worry our little noggins about being so miniscule(FAST echo). We do not know if something is really out there, so we may hide our stony faces if we want, but we should not fantasize over something that might not be real.
If my theory about Dickens’s passage is correct, we as a human race cannot listen to him. Our infinitesimal little race is not doing very well. We are abating the planet and doing very little about it. If the humans are not doing well, we should not be putting ourselves down with books that say that we have, “mere human intelligence”. It also might not be wise there are extra terrestrial beings somewhere out there in space and time, making us even more insignificant, a useless luxury to galaxy, as a diamond is to a watch, for the watch does not need the diamond to function, and it does not make it work any better, but, people need to feel important, like the spring in the watch that is necessary for the constant ticking and tocking. Something very enthralling about humans is that we always have to be best. If there is something out there better than us, humans will not resist from trying to top it. It may be unwise to put ourselves down, or try to top aliens out in space, so we really must believe that Dickens’ passage is wrong.
One of Dickens’s pieces of writing in A Tale of Two Cities could be interpreted as saying that there is a much greater being than humans and that we are small compared to them. It could seem like he is saying that it does not matter what our name was or how long our name lives in songs and stories, because we are nothing compared to the vastness of space and time. With all the problems in the world, we really need to be encouraging ourselves so it might be unwise to listen to Dickens. However, no matter how big the edges of space and time go out into the dark unknown, we need to know that our walls and cities can stretch to the edges of our planet and all that we know.
Self Assessment
1. One problem that I am continuing to work on in my writing is my opening and closing paragraphs. I really just have a hard time getting all my ideas into a small paragraph. Often I end up with long confusing sentences that really could be a lot smoother.
2. My greatest strong point in this piece of writing I believe is my cumulative sentence in my second body paragraph. I believe that it is a great piece of writing that really enhances the paragraph.
3. The one big weakpoint in this essay has got to be my second body paragraph. I don’t feel like I got all my ideas down strongly enough. This makes the paragraph hard to read and it bounces around ideas a lot.
4. I believe that there are strong parts and weak parts in this essay and I would be quite pleased with a B-.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Essay 7
Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
2/11/10
Graphic Organizer for Essay 7
(I would like to try to have all 600 words in one sentence)
Main Idea: Finding Peace in Pain
Mr. Carton is a peaceful person
He has few problems
He does not worry about anything
He is a miserable person
He is happier than Stryver
Women in the wheelchair has pain
In this pain she finds peace
I find peace in things that are difficult
Hiking
Climbing
Soccer
54 words per idea
Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
Englis9
4/11/10
Peace in Pain:
An Essay on Finding Peace through Ones Pain
People, in all of our stubbornness, and our need for more than what we actually do need, our hate of all people, places, perceptions, others proficiency, progress, and pronunciation, and our selfishness, and wastefulness, and frailness, and our incredible ability to make the same mistake continuously, along with our constant find to need to go to war, and our weak emotions, our need for comforting, our excitement in things that are not very exciting, which goes along with our impressive structures that we spend days and days and weeks and months and years and decades, and dynasties and ages and all of time making that have very little purpose at all or a purpose so small and insignificant, it dazzles the mind to think all the work had to go into it, and our desire for the best, and our suspicions of all lower than you, do have an incredible ability to be peace full, just as rain in its constant cycle through the cycle of water, being forced to the top of mountains, and then down the mountains, just to be pulled ever so hard back down the steep face, has an inconceivable way of pitter pattering just the right way on the shingled room, and the muddy puddle, and the hard granite surface, to sooth the chaotic mind of all around it and give everyone an opportunity to be calm, and collective; Mr. Carton is a depressed character in A Tale of Two Cities, always being put down by his pier, Mr. Styver, losing everything he tries to do, always getting no credit for his hard work, and always finding very little meaning in his life, but he could be considered one of the more peaceful characters in the book, and this is possible if you look at him as a man who has given up, and no longer cares about the troubles of life, or what people think of him, for he simply chugs along in his little human shell, where some might believe it says “Made in England” over a compartment where the machine holds the triple AAA batteries, doing what he must, and nothing else, and this could be considered very peaceful, like a troubled, yet still, flower, in a stampede of running deer, cantering, never faltering, toward the lone flower . (Long Sentence (365)) (Subordinating cumulative sentence)
Just like Mr. Carton is sort of a peaceful person, the women from A Rainy Morning is a very peaceful person, a women who has few worries even though she is disabled (appositive phrase). If you are a stubborn person, a pessimist, or an evil dictator, you might find it impossible to be peaceful and even harder for this woman, who is worse off than some of us, to be peaceful. If you think that, than I have the honor of telling you that you are wrong in almost every peaceful way. This woman does not care. She is wise and has found peace through her state.
The wisest people in the world have made an incredible discovery, a discovery that could change humans forever, a discovery that makes the wheel, and sliced bread look like a simple addition problem. The wisest people of the world have made the discovery that the world is not here to help. In our life times people will try to put us down, because there are bad people out there. Not all of the world is out there to be our giant teddy bear. There are really four ways to look at this from this point. One way is the easiest and evilest way and that is to join these doers of harm. The second is that hardest but noblest; to stand up and fight, to try to stop the evils of the world and give peace to others before yourself. The third way is for the weak and emotionally unstable people like Mr. Carton. Give up. Mr. Carton is peaceful because he does not care but he gains nothing and others don’t either. The last way is almost as difficult as the second. Rise up above the crowd, stand alone, and hold your chin high; let everyone see nothing but the shadow of your nose. Be the bigger person and simply be peaceful even though there might be none, just like the women in the poem.
---------------------
Self Assessment
1. One problem I am continuing to catch all of my mistakes the first time. I use long sentences a lot and sometimes they are not always correct.
2. I believe that my strong point in this essay is my use of long sentences and short sentences. I start with a very long sentence and then in my second paragraph, I use several short sentences.
3. My weak point in this essay is my long sentences in the paragraph. After using one really long sentence, you can't really get the effect with the shorter long sentences.
4. I worked very hard on this essay and feel it is one of my best and would give myself a higher grade than usual.
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
2/11/10
Graphic Organizer for Essay 7
(I would like to try to have all 600 words in one sentence)
Main Idea: Finding Peace in Pain
Mr. Carton is a peaceful person
He has few problems
He does not worry about anything
He is a miserable person
He is happier than Stryver
Women in the wheelchair has pain
In this pain she finds peace
I find peace in things that are difficult
Hiking
Climbing
Soccer
54 words per idea
Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
Englis9
4/11/10
Peace in Pain:
An Essay on Finding Peace through Ones Pain
People, in all of our stubbornness, and our need for more than what we actually do need, our hate of all people, places, perceptions, others proficiency, progress, and pronunciation, and our selfishness, and wastefulness, and frailness, and our incredible ability to make the same mistake continuously, along with our constant find to need to go to war, and our weak emotions, our need for comforting, our excitement in things that are not very exciting, which goes along with our impressive structures that we spend days and days and weeks and months and years and decades, and dynasties and ages and all of time making that have very little purpose at all or a purpose so small and insignificant, it dazzles the mind to think all the work had to go into it, and our desire for the best, and our suspicions of all lower than you, do have an incredible ability to be peace full, just as rain in its constant cycle through the cycle of water, being forced to the top of mountains, and then down the mountains, just to be pulled ever so hard back down the steep face, has an inconceivable way of pitter pattering just the right way on the shingled room, and the muddy puddle, and the hard granite surface, to sooth the chaotic mind of all around it and give everyone an opportunity to be calm, and collective; Mr. Carton is a depressed character in A Tale of Two Cities, always being put down by his pier, Mr. Styver, losing everything he tries to do, always getting no credit for his hard work, and always finding very little meaning in his life, but he could be considered one of the more peaceful characters in the book, and this is possible if you look at him as a man who has given up, and no longer cares about the troubles of life, or what people think of him, for he simply chugs along in his little human shell, where some might believe it says “Made in England” over a compartment where the machine holds the triple AAA batteries, doing what he must, and nothing else, and this could be considered very peaceful, like a troubled, yet still, flower, in a stampede of running deer, cantering, never faltering, toward the lone flower . (Long Sentence (365)) (Subordinating cumulative sentence)
Just like Mr. Carton is sort of a peaceful person, the women from A Rainy Morning is a very peaceful person, a women who has few worries even though she is disabled (appositive phrase). If you are a stubborn person, a pessimist, or an evil dictator, you might find it impossible to be peaceful and even harder for this woman, who is worse off than some of us, to be peaceful. If you think that, than I have the honor of telling you that you are wrong in almost every peaceful way. This woman does not care. She is wise and has found peace through her state.
The wisest people in the world have made an incredible discovery, a discovery that could change humans forever, a discovery that makes the wheel, and sliced bread look like a simple addition problem. The wisest people of the world have made the discovery that the world is not here to help. In our life times people will try to put us down, because there are bad people out there. Not all of the world is out there to be our giant teddy bear. There are really four ways to look at this from this point. One way is the easiest and evilest way and that is to join these doers of harm. The second is that hardest but noblest; to stand up and fight, to try to stop the evils of the world and give peace to others before yourself. The third way is for the weak and emotionally unstable people like Mr. Carton. Give up. Mr. Carton is peaceful because he does not care but he gains nothing and others don’t either. The last way is almost as difficult as the second. Rise up above the crowd, stand alone, and hold your chin high; let everyone see nothing but the shadow of your nose. Be the bigger person and simply be peaceful even though there might be none, just like the women in the poem.
---------------------
Self Assessment
1. One problem I am continuing to catch all of my mistakes the first time. I use long sentences a lot and sometimes they are not always correct.
2. I believe that my strong point in this essay is my use of long sentences and short sentences. I start with a very long sentence and then in my second paragraph, I use several short sentences.
3. My weak point in this essay is my long sentences in the paragraph. After using one really long sentence, you can't really get the effect with the shorter long sentences.
4. I worked very hard on this essay and feel it is one of my best and would give myself a higher grade than usual.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Essay 6 Graphic Organizer and Essay
Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
19/10/10
Main Point of Essay: Seeing ones self
Bell word: within
Opening
Hook: surgery, look within someone
Comment: Literal vs. figurative
Comment: Mirrors
Thesis: People see all different types of things within themselves when looking in a mirror
Body Paragraph 1
Echo: Inside, innermost
Topic Sentence: Characters in TOTC looking in mirrors
Support 1: Lucie: What might she see
Commentary: Worried face
Commentary: Helpfulness and maturity
Support 2: What might Doc Manette see
Commentary: Lost time
Commentary: Mystery
Support 3: What might Mr. Lorry see
Commentary: Money
Commentary: Lonely
Concluding Sentence: Good friends see different things
Body Paragraph 2
Echo: viscera, intramural
Topic Sentence: To look within oneself
Support 1: Unhappiness
Commentary: I please others before myself
Commentary: Miss Pross
Support 2: Desperation
Commentary: I don’t know me
Commentary: Overwhelmed
Support 3: Finesse
Commentary: Always take the longer path
Commentary: Make everything harder than it needs to be
Concluding: Need to be careful
Hook: You could see anything
Commentary: Hate vs. like
Commentary: Depress or please
Concluding: Mirrors are dangerous things
A Mirror’s Eye:
An Essay on Seeing Inside Oneself with a Mirror
(TS) One way to see within yourself is to have someone perform surgery on you. (CM) This of coarse is the literal way as appose o the figurative way which is much harder and much cheaper. (CM) Sometimes, to see inside ourselves, we really need to see ourselves, and what better way to see yourself than with a mirror. (TH) Different people might see all kinds of different things when looking in their golden framed mirrors.
(TS) If some of Charles Dickens characters from A Tale of Two Cities were to look in a mirror, I am sure that they would all see different things. (SD) If Lucie Manette looked into a beautifully crafted pier-glass positioned in a dark, well decorated room of oak, she would see a beautiful face, starring back, but she also might see something else. (CM) If Lucie Manette starred into a mirror, she might simply see fear, for Lucie is often scared for the safety and security of her friends; very infrequently does she care for herself before others, especially those who she is close to, cares for, and loves very much. (Subordinating cumulative sentence (47 words)) (CM) Lucie is a very loving person, and many people love her too, but she is so helpful and modest that if she looked into a mirror, she might only see the face of an old man, or a wild women, or a disgruntled man of business. (SD) If someone, who had missed most of their life, wondering aimlessly, not knowing where to go, looked into a cracked and broken mirror, hung on a cold stone cell wall by a bending and rusting nail, they might see nothing at all. (CM) This man might have someone dear to him, but because he does not know her, he might feel like his time has passed. (CM) A lost man looks into a mirror hoping to be able to look back on the life they could have had, but have lost. (SD) Now, lets say Mr. Lorry looked into a square mirror, just large enough to fit the head of the looker. (CM) He might see efficiency starring back at him with colorless but beautiful eyes. (CM) Perhaps, he might see loneliness, for the money he worked so hard to get for Telsons has not gotten him any companion in which he might love. (CS) It is ironic how these good friends Dickens planned and perfected are oh so different, especially in the eyes of a mirror.
(TS) Different people might see different things when staring into a mirror, and I see very different things from most of Dickens’s characters might see. (SD) When I stare into a mirror, I often see a pair of unhappy green eyes looking gloomily back. (CM) The only person in Tale of Two Cities that my understand my problem would be Miss Pross for we have the exact same problem. (CM) I am such a complicated person, so different from those I surround myself with, I find it much easier to please everyone else before even contemplating what I might want to do, and because of this, I often find myself with the absence of happiness. (SD) I might also see an open, desperate mouth, gasping for air, for I am a very desperate person. (CM) I am a very confused person, and sometimes I don’t know what I want to do, and this leaves me desperate, looking around anxiously for hope. (CM) I am also desperate for a brake because I never stop moving; I am always doing something and I am desperate for a time to rest. (SD) I also might see, but not always, some sort of finesse, not literally, but finesse hangs around me like a misty, good smelling, but toxic mist. (CM) Finesse always takes me the long way and I often find my self looking down the longer, steeper and rougher trail when a perfectly good flat road of cobblestone lies to the other side, incurving, and staying flat, but many pass along this road, and it has turned grey and worn, and I would much rather turn my head to the path overgrown with exuberant colors and flowers. (CM) However, under the bright mountains blooms lies a thicket of thorny Fabaceae making the trek much harder than it need be. (CS) I need to be careful because my unhappy and finesse mood leads me to desperation which will lead me to no good.
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
19/10/10
Main Point of Essay: Seeing ones self
Bell word: within
Opening
Hook: surgery, look within someone
Comment: Literal vs. figurative
Comment: Mirrors
Thesis: People see all different types of things within themselves when looking in a mirror
Body Paragraph 1
Echo: Inside, innermost
Topic Sentence: Characters in TOTC looking in mirrors
Support 1: Lucie: What might she see
Commentary: Worried face
Commentary: Helpfulness and maturity
Support 2: What might Doc Manette see
Commentary: Lost time
Commentary: Mystery
Support 3: What might Mr. Lorry see
Commentary: Money
Commentary: Lonely
Concluding Sentence: Good friends see different things
Body Paragraph 2
Echo: viscera, intramural
Topic Sentence: To look within oneself
Support 1: Unhappiness
Commentary: I please others before myself
Commentary: Miss Pross
Support 2: Desperation
Commentary: I don’t know me
Commentary: Overwhelmed
Support 3: Finesse
Commentary: Always take the longer path
Commentary: Make everything harder than it needs to be
Concluding: Need to be careful
Hook: You could see anything
Commentary: Hate vs. like
Commentary: Depress or please
Concluding: Mirrors are dangerous things
A Mirror’s Eye:
An Essay on Seeing Inside Oneself with a Mirror
(TS) One way to see within yourself is to have someone perform surgery on you. (CM) This of coarse is the literal way as appose o the figurative way which is much harder and much cheaper. (CM) Sometimes, to see inside ourselves, we really need to see ourselves, and what better way to see yourself than with a mirror. (TH) Different people might see all kinds of different things when looking in their golden framed mirrors.
(TS) If some of Charles Dickens characters from A Tale of Two Cities were to look in a mirror, I am sure that they would all see different things. (SD) If Lucie Manette looked into a beautifully crafted pier-glass positioned in a dark, well decorated room of oak, she would see a beautiful face, starring back, but she also might see something else. (CM) If Lucie Manette starred into a mirror, she might simply see fear, for Lucie is often scared for the safety and security of her friends; very infrequently does she care for herself before others, especially those who she is close to, cares for, and loves very much. (Subordinating cumulative sentence (47 words)) (CM) Lucie is a very loving person, and many people love her too, but she is so helpful and modest that if she looked into a mirror, she might only see the face of an old man, or a wild women, or a disgruntled man of business. (SD) If someone, who had missed most of their life, wondering aimlessly, not knowing where to go, looked into a cracked and broken mirror, hung on a cold stone cell wall by a bending and rusting nail, they might see nothing at all. (CM) This man might have someone dear to him, but because he does not know her, he might feel like his time has passed. (CM) A lost man looks into a mirror hoping to be able to look back on the life they could have had, but have lost. (SD) Now, lets say Mr. Lorry looked into a square mirror, just large enough to fit the head of the looker. (CM) He might see efficiency starring back at him with colorless but beautiful eyes. (CM) Perhaps, he might see loneliness, for the money he worked so hard to get for Telsons has not gotten him any companion in which he might love. (CS) It is ironic how these good friends Dickens planned and perfected are oh so different, especially in the eyes of a mirror.
(TS) Different people might see different things when staring into a mirror, and I see very different things from most of Dickens’s characters might see. (SD) When I stare into a mirror, I often see a pair of unhappy green eyes looking gloomily back. (CM) The only person in Tale of Two Cities that my understand my problem would be Miss Pross for we have the exact same problem. (CM) I am such a complicated person, so different from those I surround myself with, I find it much easier to please everyone else before even contemplating what I might want to do, and because of this, I often find myself with the absence of happiness. (SD) I might also see an open, desperate mouth, gasping for air, for I am a very desperate person. (CM) I am a very confused person, and sometimes I don’t know what I want to do, and this leaves me desperate, looking around anxiously for hope. (CM) I am also desperate for a brake because I never stop moving; I am always doing something and I am desperate for a time to rest. (SD) I also might see, but not always, some sort of finesse, not literally, but finesse hangs around me like a misty, good smelling, but toxic mist. (CM) Finesse always takes me the long way and I often find my self looking down the longer, steeper and rougher trail when a perfectly good flat road of cobblestone lies to the other side, incurving, and staying flat, but many pass along this road, and it has turned grey and worn, and I would much rather turn my head to the path overgrown with exuberant colors and flowers. (CM) However, under the bright mountains blooms lies a thicket of thorny Fabaceae making the trek much harder than it need be. (CS) I need to be careful because my unhappy and finesse mood leads me to desperation which will lead me to no good.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Essay 5
Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
18/10/10
The Long Lost:
An Essay on Your Feelings When Discovering a Lost Parent
(TS) Imagine for just one second, that for as long as you can remember, and a time before, your parents were dead. (CM) You live alone, adapting to having to learn everything first hand. (CM) Then, one day, your parents renter your life; and living alone becomes a very different story. (TH) That time of readjusting might be very difficult with many feelings passing alone through your mind and heart.
(TS) The feelings of Luci Manette when she meets her father are portrayed very well by Dickens using several writing techniques. (SD) Dialogue is used extensively within the parteds’ meeting, forced miles away from each other, not knowing the others whereabouts. (CM) The feelings of Luci are caught very well with the use of varied dialogue; Dickens varies the lengths of monologues from short, shocked bursts, to long protracted speeches. (CM) However, the short sentences such as, “Who are you?”(Dickens, 46) are incredibly powerful, and they do their job with perfection and dignity. (SD) The use of action is used exceedingly well by Dickens to give the reader a very clear picture of what is happening during the Manettes’ meeting. (CM) It is easy to write about two people standing in a room talking to each other, but Dickens make this conversation seem so real by putting in ever movement. (CM) These movements however do not take up pages, they are brief and are over with quickly, such as this quote, “Not yet trusting the tones of her voice, she sat down on the bench beside him. He recoiled, but she laid her hand upon his arm.” (Dickens, 46). (SD) Parallelism is used for its rhythm and beauty, which can make an emotional section quite entertaining. (CM) When a writer uses parallelism, it can really get a point across. (CM) Dickens uses this well in this piece of dialogue, “No, no, no; you are too young, to blooming.” (CS) The use of, and writing inside and around dialogue in the reuniting of Luci Manette and her father really makes it a great piece of writing.
(TS) If I had been told that my parents were dead only to find that years later they were still alive, I would have a multitude of emotions. (SD) First of all, I would feel betrayed. (CM) I would feel lied to by who ever had told that my parents died. (CM) I would also feel abandoned by my parents because they were not there. (SD) I would also feel tricked. (CM) I believe that I would be reluctant to believing my parents were still alive. (CM) Having lived in this body for 14 years, I know it would take a lot to convince me that the two people there are my parents. (SD) I would also feel brought back. (CM) Over 20 years, my life would have adapted to having no parents, to a new life. (CM) Once my parents return to my life, my whole lifestyle has to go backwards 20 years. (CS) At first thought, the reuniting would be very pleasant, but after 20 years of living alone, things might be different.
(TS) If you just discovered your parents after believing they were dead for your whole life, you might have a whole host feelings and ideas. (CM) A person might feel betrayed, or abandoned, or blissful, or distressed, or lied to, or any number of feelings. (CM) It is difficult to think of how you would respond because few people personally relate to this. (CS) The only true way to know how you would react would be for it to happen to them, and no one wants to know that badly.
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Self Assessment
1. What is one writing issue that you are continuing to work on?
I am continuing to work on making sure I catch all my mistakes and make sure all my sentences are where they should be
2. What is one possible strong point you see in this writing?
I believe that my first body paragraph was very well written. I spent a very long time trying to use the write words and use long sentences that did not sound long and boring.
3. What is one weak point you see in this writing?
I believe that my second body paragraph is my biggest weak point because I tried to use lots of short sentences to change it up from the first paragraph. However, I believe I used too many short sentences and was not able to achieve the sound I was going for.
4. Grade?
I would give myself an A- on this essay because I believe that it is very well written and I spent a very long time working on this essay and I believe my effort should earn any less.
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
18/10/10
The Long Lost:
An Essay on Your Feelings When Discovering a Lost Parent
(TS) Imagine for just one second, that for as long as you can remember, and a time before, your parents were dead. (CM) You live alone, adapting to having to learn everything first hand. (CM) Then, one day, your parents renter your life; and living alone becomes a very different story. (TH) That time of readjusting might be very difficult with many feelings passing alone through your mind and heart.
(TS) The feelings of Luci Manette when she meets her father are portrayed very well by Dickens using several writing techniques. (SD) Dialogue is used extensively within the parteds’ meeting, forced miles away from each other, not knowing the others whereabouts. (CM) The feelings of Luci are caught very well with the use of varied dialogue; Dickens varies the lengths of monologues from short, shocked bursts, to long protracted speeches. (CM) However, the short sentences such as, “Who are you?”(Dickens, 46) are incredibly powerful, and they do their job with perfection and dignity. (SD) The use of action is used exceedingly well by Dickens to give the reader a very clear picture of what is happening during the Manettes’ meeting. (CM) It is easy to write about two people standing in a room talking to each other, but Dickens make this conversation seem so real by putting in ever movement. (CM) These movements however do not take up pages, they are brief and are over with quickly, such as this quote, “Not yet trusting the tones of her voice, she sat down on the bench beside him. He recoiled, but she laid her hand upon his arm.” (Dickens, 46). (SD) Parallelism is used for its rhythm and beauty, which can make an emotional section quite entertaining. (CM) When a writer uses parallelism, it can really get a point across. (CM) Dickens uses this well in this piece of dialogue, “No, no, no; you are too young, to blooming.” (CS) The use of, and writing inside and around dialogue in the reuniting of Luci Manette and her father really makes it a great piece of writing.
(TS) If I had been told that my parents were dead only to find that years later they were still alive, I would have a multitude of emotions. (SD) First of all, I would feel betrayed. (CM) I would feel lied to by who ever had told that my parents died. (CM) I would also feel abandoned by my parents because they were not there. (SD) I would also feel tricked. (CM) I believe that I would be reluctant to believing my parents were still alive. (CM) Having lived in this body for 14 years, I know it would take a lot to convince me that the two people there are my parents. (SD) I would also feel brought back. (CM) Over 20 years, my life would have adapted to having no parents, to a new life. (CM) Once my parents return to my life, my whole lifestyle has to go backwards 20 years. (CS) At first thought, the reuniting would be very pleasant, but after 20 years of living alone, things might be different.
(TS) If you just discovered your parents after believing they were dead for your whole life, you might have a whole host feelings and ideas. (CM) A person might feel betrayed, or abandoned, or blissful, or distressed, or lied to, or any number of feelings. (CM) It is difficult to think of how you would respond because few people personally relate to this. (CS) The only true way to know how you would react would be for it to happen to them, and no one wants to know that badly.
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Self Assessment
1. What is one writing issue that you are continuing to work on?
I am continuing to work on making sure I catch all my mistakes and make sure all my sentences are where they should be
2. What is one possible strong point you see in this writing?
I believe that my first body paragraph was very well written. I spent a very long time trying to use the write words and use long sentences that did not sound long and boring.
3. What is one weak point you see in this writing?
I believe that my second body paragraph is my biggest weak point because I tried to use lots of short sentences to change it up from the first paragraph. However, I believe I used too many short sentences and was not able to achieve the sound I was going for.
4. Grade?
I would give myself an A- on this essay because I believe that it is very well written and I spent a very long time working on this essay and I believe my effort should earn any less.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Martha's Vineyard
Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
10/09/10
The long but short bus ride to Martha’s Vineyard was not an eventful one. The activities during and after the trip was a lot more eventful than the trip itself. During the trips on the ferry, the card games and sea breeze was a much welcomed brake to the cramped and crowded bus. After a long but short trip ended, another trip began, but this was a trip through a much shorter distance. The aquarium was very eventful. You walked along a hall being watched by lots of little fishy eyes. The small shark eyes of the dogfish staring loathingly at passerbies. The snowy grouper frowning. Its yeses glare at every person. Its body perfectly still, and its tail not even fluttering in the slightest breeze. But still we move on to the coldest and wettest place our expedition saw throughout our whole escapade. The trails were muddy the heavens pouring, the trees sagging, the feet dragging, and no bugs to be had. The map faded and tore and spirits did not soar. In fact, the spirits died, as well as moral. But the three trudged on. The end of the sassafras trail finally came into sight through the branches and leaves of the forest, The longer walk across the small lakes of collected rain make my shoes flood with water, However we do make it back where we draw live and dead animals,. The hawk looms over all, but I am the only one brace enough to attempt to capture the terrible, gentle feathers. So we moved on, devouring an entire coop full of chickens. The dark sauce glistened on the grill chicken as my knifed tore through the meat. So far, I had had tons of fun at Martha’s Vineyard.
The shadow is cast toward me, the sun in front of me. I can not see the sun, even though the light grows dim as it slips into the waves. J The rock is perched on the edge of the cliff right above the crashing and rolling waves. The white foam rides up the waves, as if it were snow on a winter’s day. The wind howls over the sand and up and over the red cliffs. The wisps of clouds sluggishly crawls across the sky wish has at last turned from grey to bight blue with a spot of crimson and gold by the endless blue of the sea. The one rock stands alone, yes there are other rocks that tower over the duns, other rocks balancing on a cliff, other rocks that tower over the sand, it is not the biggest or the most difficultly balanced but it is the proudest of all that stand above the mess of other rocks. This rock stands in the waves that crash all about it; this rock was the quickest to stand on its own this rock is not the most pretty but it is the most beautiful. This one solitary rock was the one picked to be silhouetted the one the sun picked to frame in the fires on red and yellow. This one rock, the perfect rock.
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
10/09/10
The long but short bus ride to Martha’s Vineyard was not an eventful one. The activities during and after the trip was a lot more eventful than the trip itself. During the trips on the ferry, the card games and sea breeze was a much welcomed brake to the cramped and crowded bus. After a long but short trip ended, another trip began, but this was a trip through a much shorter distance. The aquarium was very eventful. You walked along a hall being watched by lots of little fishy eyes. The small shark eyes of the dogfish staring loathingly at passerbies. The snowy grouper frowning. Its yeses glare at every person. Its body perfectly still, and its tail not even fluttering in the slightest breeze. But still we move on to the coldest and wettest place our expedition saw throughout our whole escapade. The trails were muddy the heavens pouring, the trees sagging, the feet dragging, and no bugs to be had. The map faded and tore and spirits did not soar. In fact, the spirits died, as well as moral. But the three trudged on. The end of the sassafras trail finally came into sight through the branches and leaves of the forest, The longer walk across the small lakes of collected rain make my shoes flood with water, However we do make it back where we draw live and dead animals,. The hawk looms over all, but I am the only one brace enough to attempt to capture the terrible, gentle feathers. So we moved on, devouring an entire coop full of chickens. The dark sauce glistened on the grill chicken as my knifed tore through the meat. So far, I had had tons of fun at Martha’s Vineyard.
The shadow is cast toward me, the sun in front of me. I can not see the sun, even though the light grows dim as it slips into the waves. J The rock is perched on the edge of the cliff right above the crashing and rolling waves. The white foam rides up the waves, as if it were snow on a winter’s day. The wind howls over the sand and up and over the red cliffs. The wisps of clouds sluggishly crawls across the sky wish has at last turned from grey to bight blue with a spot of crimson and gold by the endless blue of the sea. The one rock stands alone, yes there are other rocks that tower over the duns, other rocks balancing on a cliff, other rocks that tower over the sand, it is not the biggest or the most difficultly balanced but it is the proudest of all that stand above the mess of other rocks. This rock stands in the waves that crash all about it; this rock was the quickest to stand on its own this rock is not the most pretty but it is the most beautiful. This one solitary rock was the one picked to be silhouetted the one the sun picked to frame in the fires on red and yellow. This one rock, the perfect rock.
Martha's Vineyard
Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
10/09/10
The long but short bus ride to Martha’s Vineyard was not an eventful one. The activities during and after the trip was a lot more eventful than the trip itself. During the trips on the ferry, the card games and sea breeze was a much welcomed brake to the cramped and crowded bus. After a long but short trip ended, another trip began, but this was a trip through a much shorter distance. The aquarium was very eventful. You walked along a hall being watched by lots of little fishy eyes. The small shark eyes of the dogfish staring loathingly at passerbies. The snowy grouper frowning. Its yeses glare at every person. Its body perfectly still, and its tail not even fluttering in the slightest breeze. But still we move on to the coldest and wettest place our expedition saw throughout our whole escapade. The trails were muddy the heavens pouring, the trees sagging, the feet dragging, and no bugs to be had. The map faded and tore and spirits did not soar. In fact, the spirits died, as well as moral. But the three trudged on. The end of the sassafras trail finally came into sight through the branches and leaves of the forest, The longer walk across the small lakes of collected rain make my shoes flood with water, However we do make it back where we draw live and dead animals,. The hawk looms over all, but I am the only one brace enough to attempt to capture the terrible, gentle feathers. So we moved on, devouring an entire coop full of chickens. The dark sauce glistened on the grill chicken as my knifed tore through the meat. So far, I had had tons of fun at Martha’s Vineyard.
The shadow is cast toward me, the sun in front of me. I can not see the sun, even though the light grows dim as it slips into the waves. J The rock is perched on the edge of the cliff right above the crashing and rolling waves. The white foam rides up the waves, as if it were snow on a winter’s day. The wind howls over the sand and up and over the red cliffs. The wisps of clouds sluggishly crawls across the sky wish has at last turned from grey to bight blue with a spot of crimson and gold by the endless blue of the sea. The one rock stands alone, yes there are other rocks that tower over the duns, other rocks balancing on a cliff, other rocks that tower over the sand, it is not the biggest or the most difficultly balanced but it is the proudest of all that stand above the mess of other rocks. This rock stands in the waves that crash all about it; this rock was the quickest to stand on its own this rock is not the most pretty but it is the most beautiful. This one solitary rock was the one picked to be silhouetted the one the sun picked to frame in the fires on red and yellow. This one rock, the perfect rock.
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
10/09/10
The long but short bus ride to Martha’s Vineyard was not an eventful one. The activities during and after the trip was a lot more eventful than the trip itself. During the trips on the ferry, the card games and sea breeze was a much welcomed brake to the cramped and crowded bus. After a long but short trip ended, another trip began, but this was a trip through a much shorter distance. The aquarium was very eventful. You walked along a hall being watched by lots of little fishy eyes. The small shark eyes of the dogfish staring loathingly at passerbies. The snowy grouper frowning. Its yeses glare at every person. Its body perfectly still, and its tail not even fluttering in the slightest breeze. But still we move on to the coldest and wettest place our expedition saw throughout our whole escapade. The trails were muddy the heavens pouring, the trees sagging, the feet dragging, and no bugs to be had. The map faded and tore and spirits did not soar. In fact, the spirits died, as well as moral. But the three trudged on. The end of the sassafras trail finally came into sight through the branches and leaves of the forest, The longer walk across the small lakes of collected rain make my shoes flood with water, However we do make it back where we draw live and dead animals,. The hawk looms over all, but I am the only one brace enough to attempt to capture the terrible, gentle feathers. So we moved on, devouring an entire coop full of chickens. The dark sauce glistened on the grill chicken as my knifed tore through the meat. So far, I had had tons of fun at Martha’s Vineyard.
The shadow is cast toward me, the sun in front of me. I can not see the sun, even though the light grows dim as it slips into the waves. J The rock is perched on the edge of the cliff right above the crashing and rolling waves. The white foam rides up the waves, as if it were snow on a winter’s day. The wind howls over the sand and up and over the red cliffs. The wisps of clouds sluggishly crawls across the sky wish has at last turned from grey to bight blue with a spot of crimson and gold by the endless blue of the sea. The one rock stands alone, yes there are other rocks that tower over the duns, other rocks balancing on a cliff, other rocks that tower over the sand, it is not the biggest or the most difficultly balanced but it is the proudest of all that stand above the mess of other rocks. This rock stands in the waves that crash all about it; this rock was the quickest to stand on its own this rock is not the most pretty but it is the most beautiful. This one solitary rock was the one picked to be silhouetted the one the sun picked to frame in the fires on red and yellow. This one rock, the perfect rock.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Essay 3
Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
28/09/10
When you are in the cold, surrounded by ice and snow, simply sitting and waiting, unable to go inside because you small nylon shelter has been berried by the drift, the zipper frozen shut, your Whisper Light stove empty of white gas, your hot chocolate turned solid, your nose clogged with ice, the only thing you want to do is split the logs in front of you to find the unfrozen center so you might start the fire that will keep you warm without melting your nylon cloths. When it comes down to it, the only thing that keeps you sane, and halts the flow of tears that would undoubtedly freeze on your cheeks is the thought of the fire that you would like to have, but don’t. The thought of a spark, keeps you going. When anywhere north or south of the equator during the spring, fall, summer, or winter, fire is your greatest friend.
I have always found that fire has an exotic way of entertaining me. The fires dance is so complex and orderly, but at the same time, so random. No one can name the colors that make up the flames decorations, the blue and white bottom surrounded by the blackened charcoal, braking up above into crimson fuel, the heart of the fire, then as your eyes continue to move up the roaring fire, the red melts into the yellow tips of the swords that fire swings about in beautiful anguish, throwing up a shower of orange sparks that twist and twirl in the air until they quickly go out all before you can blink an eye (long sentence (87 words). The colors are so different than everything else, especially against white snow. The movement of the inferno is also very intriguing. The fire wraps around itself in an endless loop. The sparks are constantly boogieing above us all. The heat of the fire draws us in. The artificial heat heats the body to unnatural temperate, but you feel cool because the side away from the fire remains cool so your core temperature remains balanced. However, the heat can heat us, dry us, give you light, and give you comfort. Conflagration has ways of drawing you in, and making you its friend.
A fire, just like any other friend, needs a home. The spark needs a place to stay warm against the cold; it needs walls of stone to keep out the wind and rain. The spark needs these walls of stone to wrap around it, shielding it from the wind. The wall of stone holds the umbrella to keep out the rain. The spark of the blaze needs to stay warm inside the fire’s heart, so the fire builds a shelter of wood to hold in the heat. The shelter of wood stops the warmth from leaving its safe home, and it keeps out the cold’s sharp knives from cutting in to the ropes leading to calescence. The shelter of wood also gives the blaze a constant stockpile of fuel to consume; feeding it, as if it were a child. The home is deep within the ground, low in the Earth, and concealed within the foliage. The fire sometimes gets bored of its home in the ground, and it tries to run away; The pit reaches up a hand of stone and catches the little spark before it gets past the birch of silver. The pit of stone, and Earth, and wood, keeps in the warmth and the blaze itself, and never lets go, just as an over protective parent squeezes its child before their first day of school, but the fire never leaves, and the home never lets go, but I guess that is ok in a family of fire. The home of fire is a peculiar home, a home very different, but not so far, from the home lived in by you and I.
Fire can be one of the greatest tools for a person. Fire can keep you warm and entertain you at the same time. Fire is a close friend, so you must take care of it, and take care of its home. No matter what, the orange blaze will always be there to take care of you.
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
28/09/10
When you are in the cold, surrounded by ice and snow, simply sitting and waiting, unable to go inside because you small nylon shelter has been berried by the drift, the zipper frozen shut, your Whisper Light stove empty of white gas, your hot chocolate turned solid, your nose clogged with ice, the only thing you want to do is split the logs in front of you to find the unfrozen center so you might start the fire that will keep you warm without melting your nylon cloths. When it comes down to it, the only thing that keeps you sane, and halts the flow of tears that would undoubtedly freeze on your cheeks is the thought of the fire that you would like to have, but don’t. The thought of a spark, keeps you going. When anywhere north or south of the equator during the spring, fall, summer, or winter, fire is your greatest friend.
I have always found that fire has an exotic way of entertaining me. The fires dance is so complex and orderly, but at the same time, so random. No one can name the colors that make up the flames decorations, the blue and white bottom surrounded by the blackened charcoal, braking up above into crimson fuel, the heart of the fire, then as your eyes continue to move up the roaring fire, the red melts into the yellow tips of the swords that fire swings about in beautiful anguish, throwing up a shower of orange sparks that twist and twirl in the air until they quickly go out all before you can blink an eye (long sentence (87 words). The colors are so different than everything else, especially against white snow. The movement of the inferno is also very intriguing. The fire wraps around itself in an endless loop. The sparks are constantly boogieing above us all. The heat of the fire draws us in. The artificial heat heats the body to unnatural temperate, but you feel cool because the side away from the fire remains cool so your core temperature remains balanced. However, the heat can heat us, dry us, give you light, and give you comfort. Conflagration has ways of drawing you in, and making you its friend.
A fire, just like any other friend, needs a home. The spark needs a place to stay warm against the cold; it needs walls of stone to keep out the wind and rain. The spark needs these walls of stone to wrap around it, shielding it from the wind. The wall of stone holds the umbrella to keep out the rain. The spark of the blaze needs to stay warm inside the fire’s heart, so the fire builds a shelter of wood to hold in the heat. The shelter of wood stops the warmth from leaving its safe home, and it keeps out the cold’s sharp knives from cutting in to the ropes leading to calescence. The shelter of wood also gives the blaze a constant stockpile of fuel to consume; feeding it, as if it were a child. The home is deep within the ground, low in the Earth, and concealed within the foliage. The fire sometimes gets bored of its home in the ground, and it tries to run away; The pit reaches up a hand of stone and catches the little spark before it gets past the birch of silver. The pit of stone, and Earth, and wood, keeps in the warmth and the blaze itself, and never lets go, just as an over protective parent squeezes its child before their first day of school, but the fire never leaves, and the home never lets go, but I guess that is ok in a family of fire. The home of fire is a peculiar home, a home very different, but not so far, from the home lived in by you and I.
Fire can be one of the greatest tools for a person. Fire can keep you warm and entertain you at the same time. Fire is a close friend, so you must take care of it, and take care of its home. No matter what, the orange blaze will always be there to take care of you.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Essay 2
Ben’jamin Dameron
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
27/09/10
Secret and Mystery
An Essay on Similes with People:
Human minds might be some of the most complex theory induced possessions that humans have. Everybody has theories and simile to attempt on making the brain a little clearer. Some people talk about themselves and some people talk about others. Dickens uses similes a lot in his books and there are many theories, but I also have some of my own.
I have found evidence to support a theory about Dickens possibly writing about himself on page 15. It is possible that when Dickens says, “I have had glimpses of buried treasure and other things submerged.” (Dickens, 15) That he is talking about his dreams. If this holds true, the “book [that] shut with a spring” is life telling him no. People can not always get want they want; this is what Dickens might be saying, though from his view, and his loss. He goes on to say, “It was appointed that the water should be locked in an eternal frost…and I stood in ignorance on the shore.” And he might be trying to say that he is ignorantly continuing to try to reach lost hopes, and lost dreams, and lost love ones. When he expands on this statement, he says, “[that] in any burial-places of this city (his mind) through which I pass, is there a sleeper more inscrutable than its busy inhabitants are, in their innermost personality, to me, or than I am to them?” he could have been trying to say his mind, a city where all sleep, has seen so much pain and loss, that he is simply asking, “Could there be anything else that could go wrong.” There are many explanations of this paragraph in A Tale of Two Cities, and I hope I have given ample evidence to one of them.
Just as Dickens might compare his dreams to a book or water, I compare people secrets and mysteries to a fire atop the snow. To make a fire on top of snow requires the correct tools, just as it takes time to get to know somebody. It takes a long time to get all the dry wood and kindling that you need to make a fire on the cold wet floor. It also takes a long time to really get to know someone very well. Once you have your wood, and your friends personality, you to know what to do from there. You can not just light a fire from anywhere, you need to know all the tricks otherwise you will just have a lot of wet smoke in your face. The same theory applies with people, for you can not just walk up to someone and say, “Would you please tell me those things that you have never told anybody else ever in your whole life?” because if you did that, you would just end up with some cold smoke in your face. If you learn somebody’s secrets and hopes, you need to know where to go from there, just like how you must know what to do with a fire once you have a cold wet flame, because the fire could keep you warm and well, or it could burn you and spoil your good mood that you have received do to the wonderful accomplishment of starting a fire in the snow which is nasty stuff that is generally difficult to light fires on (long sentence-82). If you know someone’s secrets, you could help them keep it a secret or, you could spoil there good mood by telling everybody, loosing their trust, and being thought poorly of, and being left with few friends (tricolon). On a very similar note, if you get too close to the fire, taunting it and poking fun at the brilliant cold wet flames, you will really just be putting your hand on a barbecue, yet if you respect the flames, they will keep you warm. I do believe that you can get inside a person and start a fire in their cold wet heart, but it takes time and once you have, you must respect that privilege.
Everybody from children to accomplished writers have theories about minds of people. Dickens has elaborate and difficult similes that are near impossible to fully understand. However, people everyday come up with simpler similes about brains of people. I believe that no simile will really explain the mind, and I believe that Charles Dickens thought the same way.
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
27/09/10
Secret and Mystery
An Essay on Similes with People:
Human minds might be some of the most complex theory induced possessions that humans have. Everybody has theories and simile to attempt on making the brain a little clearer. Some people talk about themselves and some people talk about others. Dickens uses similes a lot in his books and there are many theories, but I also have some of my own.
I have found evidence to support a theory about Dickens possibly writing about himself on page 15. It is possible that when Dickens says, “I have had glimpses of buried treasure and other things submerged.” (Dickens, 15) That he is talking about his dreams. If this holds true, the “book [that] shut with a spring” is life telling him no. People can not always get want they want; this is what Dickens might be saying, though from his view, and his loss. He goes on to say, “It was appointed that the water should be locked in an eternal frost…and I stood in ignorance on the shore.” And he might be trying to say that he is ignorantly continuing to try to reach lost hopes, and lost dreams, and lost love ones. When he expands on this statement, he says, “[that] in any burial-places of this city (his mind) through which I pass, is there a sleeper more inscrutable than its busy inhabitants are, in their innermost personality, to me, or than I am to them?” he could have been trying to say his mind, a city where all sleep, has seen so much pain and loss, that he is simply asking, “Could there be anything else that could go wrong.” There are many explanations of this paragraph in A Tale of Two Cities, and I hope I have given ample evidence to one of them.
Just as Dickens might compare his dreams to a book or water, I compare people secrets and mysteries to a fire atop the snow. To make a fire on top of snow requires the correct tools, just as it takes time to get to know somebody. It takes a long time to get all the dry wood and kindling that you need to make a fire on the cold wet floor. It also takes a long time to really get to know someone very well. Once you have your wood, and your friends personality, you to know what to do from there. You can not just light a fire from anywhere, you need to know all the tricks otherwise you will just have a lot of wet smoke in your face. The same theory applies with people, for you can not just walk up to someone and say, “Would you please tell me those things that you have never told anybody else ever in your whole life?” because if you did that, you would just end up with some cold smoke in your face. If you learn somebody’s secrets and hopes, you need to know where to go from there, just like how you must know what to do with a fire once you have a cold wet flame, because the fire could keep you warm and well, or it could burn you and spoil your good mood that you have received do to the wonderful accomplishment of starting a fire in the snow which is nasty stuff that is generally difficult to light fires on (long sentence-82). If you know someone’s secrets, you could help them keep it a secret or, you could spoil there good mood by telling everybody, loosing their trust, and being thought poorly of, and being left with few friends (tricolon). On a very similar note, if you get too close to the fire, taunting it and poking fun at the brilliant cold wet flames, you will really just be putting your hand on a barbecue, yet if you respect the flames, they will keep you warm. I do believe that you can get inside a person and start a fire in their cold wet heart, but it takes time and once you have, you must respect that privilege.
Everybody from children to accomplished writers have theories about minds of people. Dickens has elaborate and difficult similes that are near impossible to fully understand. However, people everyday come up with simpler similes about brains of people. I believe that no simile will really explain the mind, and I believe that Charles Dickens thought the same way.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Essay 1
Ben'jamin Dameron
Mr. H Salsich
English
9/14/10
Back to School Entertainment
An Essay on Relating Songs to Going Back to School:
Déjà vu is a French saying that means that you feel like you have experienced something before and that something is reoccurring. This saying is used by people all over the world. Its variety of uses can change from being used to describe the reoccurrence of flies in soup to the reoccurrence of school starting at the end of every summer. However many people use the French phrase: Déjà vu to describe coming back to school, I will always find other ways to relate to the end of summer.
A song that really can relate to leaving summer and coming to school is The Beatles' "Hello Goodbye". I hate saying goodbye, so I am not going to say goodbye, but I will say hello. In my experiences, people are sad when they must say goodbye to summer, so I just put on a brave face and say hello to school and 9th grade, working constantly, and enjoying every minute of it. (Participle phrase) In the song "Hello Goodbye", The Beatles repeat this line very often; "I don't know why you say goodbye; I say hello!" The Beatles also talk a lot about being enthusiastic in their song. They use the line, "You say start, and I say go go go!" I feel that this line comes into school a lot because there is a huge difference between just doing work and doing it well and really caring about it. I feel that the smooth lyrics used by The Beatles can easily be compared to school.
I do not think that only songs can relate to school, for instance, I believe that the movie Gladiator has many connections to coming back to school. When Maximus goes to the slave camp, he has great skill as a fighter and a general, but this is not enough for him to survive. He has to learn from his owner, Proximo, about how to win the crowd to win the fight. When students go back to school, they have many skills (parallelism), but we still must learn from our teachers to get good grades and eventually succeed in life. Secondly, in the slaves’ first fight in the coliseum, the odds are stacked against them. Maximus rises above the crowd and shouts, "You can help me. No matter what comes out of those gates, we have a better chance of survival if we work together. Do you understand? If we work together, we survive...Come together! Come together!" In all group activities at school, you will do better if you work together; from sports to projects to proposals to painting to anything, it works better if you work together. It may not make sense at first, but the movie Gladiator can have a lot to do with school.
From French phrases, to movies, to books, to songs, to cars, to games, and really anything, there are many ways one can relate to one’s return to school. I find that the song “Hello Goodbye” by the Beatles and the movie Gladiator can really relate to coming back to school. There are many other things that I can think of that me remind me of the end of summer, Master and Commander, Help, Teach Your Children, Colors of the Rainbow, Sound of Silence, but nothing can compare to being at school. School is here for the benefit of us all, so we must just stand together and say HELLO!
Self Assessment:
1. One writing issue I am continuing to work on?
One issue I am continuing to work on in my writing is making sure that I am following all the rules. Sometimes I forget one of the rules and my punctuation has gotten a little rusty over the summer
2. One strong point I see in this writing?
One strong point I see in this essay is my two topics. I feel like I picked very strong topics because I had a very easy time writing.
3. One possible weak spot I see in this writing?
I feel like one weak spot I have is my opening and closing paragraphs because I had a harder time working with those two paragraphs. I had trouble putting a beginning and an end to the story I had created
4. Grade
I feel like I did a very good job on this essay and I would have to give myself and A.
Mr. H Salsich
English
9/14/10
Back to School Entertainment
An Essay on Relating Songs to Going Back to School:
Déjà vu is a French saying that means that you feel like you have experienced something before and that something is reoccurring. This saying is used by people all over the world. Its variety of uses can change from being used to describe the reoccurrence of flies in soup to the reoccurrence of school starting at the end of every summer. However many people use the French phrase: Déjà vu to describe coming back to school, I will always find other ways to relate to the end of summer.
A song that really can relate to leaving summer and coming to school is The Beatles' "Hello Goodbye". I hate saying goodbye, so I am not going to say goodbye, but I will say hello. In my experiences, people are sad when they must say goodbye to summer, so I just put on a brave face and say hello to school and 9th grade, working constantly, and enjoying every minute of it. (Participle phrase) In the song "Hello Goodbye", The Beatles repeat this line very often; "I don't know why you say goodbye; I say hello!" The Beatles also talk a lot about being enthusiastic in their song. They use the line, "You say start, and I say go go go!" I feel that this line comes into school a lot because there is a huge difference between just doing work and doing it well and really caring about it. I feel that the smooth lyrics used by The Beatles can easily be compared to school.
I do not think that only songs can relate to school, for instance, I believe that the movie Gladiator has many connections to coming back to school. When Maximus goes to the slave camp, he has great skill as a fighter and a general, but this is not enough for him to survive. He has to learn from his owner, Proximo, about how to win the crowd to win the fight. When students go back to school, they have many skills (parallelism), but we still must learn from our teachers to get good grades and eventually succeed in life. Secondly, in the slaves’ first fight in the coliseum, the odds are stacked against them. Maximus rises above the crowd and shouts, "You can help me. No matter what comes out of those gates, we have a better chance of survival if we work together. Do you understand? If we work together, we survive...Come together! Come together!" In all group activities at school, you will do better if you work together; from sports to projects to proposals to painting to anything, it works better if you work together. It may not make sense at first, but the movie Gladiator can have a lot to do with school.
From French phrases, to movies, to books, to songs, to cars, to games, and really anything, there are many ways one can relate to one’s return to school. I find that the song “Hello Goodbye” by the Beatles and the movie Gladiator can really relate to coming back to school. There are many other things that I can think of that me remind me of the end of summer, Master and Commander, Help, Teach Your Children, Colors of the Rainbow, Sound of Silence, but nothing can compare to being at school. School is here for the benefit of us all, so we must just stand together and say HELLO!
Self Assessment:
1. One writing issue I am continuing to work on?
One issue I am continuing to work on in my writing is making sure that I am following all the rules. Sometimes I forget one of the rules and my punctuation has gotten a little rusty over the summer
2. One strong point I see in this writing?
One strong point I see in this essay is my two topics. I feel like I picked very strong topics because I had a very easy time writing.
3. One possible weak spot I see in this writing?
I feel like one weak spot I have is my opening and closing paragraphs because I had a harder time working with those two paragraphs. I had trouble putting a beginning and an end to the story I had created
4. Grade
I feel like I did a very good job on this essay and I would have to give myself and A.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Freestyle Writing 1 - Philmont
I want to go back
To where the mountains rise high,
Up into the purple sky,
And the eagles soar and fly
I want to go back,
To the boiled meals
All the Oreo deals
And blister covered heals
I want to go back,
To where the days are so long
And you have to be strong
Simply trudging along
I want to go back,
Where you fall in a heap
Because you have gotten no sleep,
No energy to make a peep.
I want to go back
Where a song makes your day
When the day is wet and grey
Walking atop the clay
I want to go back
To were you are covered in dirt
White turns black on your shirt
And you no longer hurt
I want to go back
To where the bears roam free
With the lions in the tree
And you feel you could drink the sea
Oh I want to go back to Philmont.
To where the mountains rise high,
Up into the purple sky,
And the eagles soar and fly
I want to go back,
To the boiled meals
All the Oreo deals
And blister covered heals
I want to go back,
To where the days are so long
And you have to be strong
Simply trudging along
I want to go back,
Where you fall in a heap
Because you have gotten no sleep,
No energy to make a peep.
I want to go back
Where a song makes your day
When the day is wet and grey
Walking atop the clay
I want to go back
To were you are covered in dirt
White turns black on your shirt
And you no longer hurt
I want to go back
To where the bears roam free
With the lions in the tree
And you feel you could drink the sea
Oh I want to go back to Philmont.
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