Essay 7

Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
2/11/10

Graphic Organizer for Essay 7

(I would like to try to have all 600 words in one sentence)

Main Idea: Finding Peace in Pain

Mr. Carton is a peaceful person
He has few problems
He does not worry about anything
He is a miserable person
He is happier than Stryver

Women in the wheelchair has pain
In this pain she finds peace

I find peace in things that are difficult
Hiking
Climbing
Soccer

54 words per idea


Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
Englis9
4/11/10

Peace in Pain:
An Essay on Finding Peace through Ones Pain

People, in all of our stubbornness, and our need for more than what we actually do need, our hate of all people, places, perceptions, others proficiency, progress, and pronunciation, and our selfishness, and wastefulness, and frailness, and our incredible ability to make the same mistake continuously, along with our constant find to need to go to war, and our weak emotions, our need for comforting, our excitement in things that are not very exciting, which goes along with our impressive structures that we spend days and days and weeks and months and years and decades, and dynasties and ages and all of time making that have very little purpose at all or a purpose so small and insignificant, it dazzles the mind to think all the work had to go into it, and our desire for the best, and our suspicions of all lower than you, do have an incredible ability to be peace full, just as rain in its constant cycle through the cycle of water, being forced to the top of mountains, and then down the mountains, just to be pulled ever so hard back down the steep face, has an inconceivable way of pitter pattering just the right way on the shingled room, and the muddy puddle, and the hard granite surface, to sooth the chaotic mind of all around it and give everyone an opportunity to be calm, and collective; Mr. Carton is a depressed character in A Tale of Two Cities, always being put down by his pier, Mr. Styver, losing everything he tries to do, always getting no credit for his hard work, and always finding very little meaning in his life, but he could be considered one of the more peaceful characters in the book, and this is possible if you look at him as a man who has given up, and no longer cares about the troubles of life, or what people think of him, for he simply chugs along in his little human shell, where some might believe it says “Made in England” over a compartment where the machine holds the triple AAA batteries, doing what he must, and nothing else, and this could be considered very peaceful, like a troubled, yet still, flower, in a stampede of running deer, cantering, never faltering, toward the lone flower . (Long Sentence (365)) (Subordinating cumulative sentence)

Just like Mr. Carton is sort of a peaceful person, the women from A Rainy Morning is a very peaceful person, a women who has few worries even though she is disabled (appositive phrase). If you are a stubborn person, a pessimist, or an evil dictator, you might find it impossible to be peaceful and even harder for this woman, who is worse off than some of us, to be peaceful. If you think that, than I have the honor of telling you that you are wrong in almost every peaceful way. This woman does not care. She is wise and has found peace through her state.

The wisest people in the world have made an incredible discovery, a discovery that could change humans forever, a discovery that makes the wheel, and sliced bread look like a simple addition problem. The wisest people of the world have made the discovery that the world is not here to help. In our life times people will try to put us down, because there are bad people out there. Not all of the world is out there to be our giant teddy bear. There are really four ways to look at this from this point. One way is the easiest and evilest way and that is to join these doers of harm. The second is that hardest but noblest; to stand up and fight, to try to stop the evils of the world and give peace to others before yourself. The third way is for the weak and emotionally unstable people like Mr. Carton. Give up. Mr. Carton is peaceful because he does not care but he gains nothing and others don’t either. The last way is almost as difficult as the second. Rise up above the crowd, stand alone, and hold your chin high; let everyone see nothing but the shadow of your nose. Be the bigger person and simply be peaceful even though there might be none, just like the women in the poem.



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Self Assessment
1. One problem I am continuing to catch all of my mistakes the first time. I use long sentences a lot and sometimes they are not always correct.

2. I believe that my strong point in this essay is my use of long sentences and short sentences. I start with a very long sentence and then in my second paragraph, I use several short sentences.

3. My weak point in this essay is my long sentences in the paragraph. After using one really long sentence, you can't really get the effect with the shorter long sentences.

4. I worked very hard on this essay and feel it is one of my best and would give myself a higher grade than usual.