Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
19/10/10
Main Point of Essay: Seeing ones self
Bell word: within
Opening
Hook: surgery, look within someone
Comment: Literal vs. figurative
Comment: Mirrors
Thesis: People see all different types of things within themselves when looking in a mirror
Body Paragraph 1
Echo: Inside, innermost
Topic Sentence: Characters in TOTC looking in mirrors
Support 1: Lucie: What might she see
Commentary: Worried face
Commentary: Helpfulness and maturity
Support 2: What might Doc Manette see
Commentary: Lost time
Commentary: Mystery
Support 3: What might Mr. Lorry see
Commentary: Money
Commentary: Lonely
Concluding Sentence: Good friends see different things
Body Paragraph 2
Echo: viscera, intramural
Topic Sentence: To look within oneself
Support 1: Unhappiness
Commentary: I please others before myself
Commentary: Miss Pross
Support 2: Desperation
Commentary: I don’t know me
Commentary: Overwhelmed
Support 3: Finesse
Commentary: Always take the longer path
Commentary: Make everything harder than it needs to be
Concluding: Need to be careful
Hook: You could see anything
Commentary: Hate vs. like
Commentary: Depress or please
Concluding: Mirrors are dangerous things
A Mirror’s Eye:
An Essay on Seeing Inside Oneself with a Mirror
(TS) One way to see within yourself is to have someone perform surgery on you. (CM) This of coarse is the literal way as appose o the figurative way which is much harder and much cheaper. (CM) Sometimes, to see inside ourselves, we really need to see ourselves, and what better way to see yourself than with a mirror. (TH) Different people might see all kinds of different things when looking in their golden framed mirrors.
(TS) If some of Charles Dickens characters from A Tale of Two Cities were to look in a mirror, I am sure that they would all see different things. (SD) If Lucie Manette looked into a beautifully crafted pier-glass positioned in a dark, well decorated room of oak, she would see a beautiful face, starring back, but she also might see something else. (CM) If Lucie Manette starred into a mirror, she might simply see fear, for Lucie is often scared for the safety and security of her friends; very infrequently does she care for herself before others, especially those who she is close to, cares for, and loves very much. (Subordinating cumulative sentence (47 words)) (CM) Lucie is a very loving person, and many people love her too, but she is so helpful and modest that if she looked into a mirror, she might only see the face of an old man, or a wild women, or a disgruntled man of business. (SD) If someone, who had missed most of their life, wondering aimlessly, not knowing where to go, looked into a cracked and broken mirror, hung on a cold stone cell wall by a bending and rusting nail, they might see nothing at all. (CM) This man might have someone dear to him, but because he does not know her, he might feel like his time has passed. (CM) A lost man looks into a mirror hoping to be able to look back on the life they could have had, but have lost. (SD) Now, lets say Mr. Lorry looked into a square mirror, just large enough to fit the head of the looker. (CM) He might see efficiency starring back at him with colorless but beautiful eyes. (CM) Perhaps, he might see loneliness, for the money he worked so hard to get for Telsons has not gotten him any companion in which he might love. (CS) It is ironic how these good friends Dickens planned and perfected are oh so different, especially in the eyes of a mirror.
(TS) Different people might see different things when staring into a mirror, and I see very different things from most of Dickens’s characters might see. (SD) When I stare into a mirror, I often see a pair of unhappy green eyes looking gloomily back. (CM) The only person in Tale of Two Cities that my understand my problem would be Miss Pross for we have the exact same problem. (CM) I am such a complicated person, so different from those I surround myself with, I find it much easier to please everyone else before even contemplating what I might want to do, and because of this, I often find myself with the absence of happiness. (SD) I might also see an open, desperate mouth, gasping for air, for I am a very desperate person. (CM) I am a very confused person, and sometimes I don’t know what I want to do, and this leaves me desperate, looking around anxiously for hope. (CM) I am also desperate for a brake because I never stop moving; I am always doing something and I am desperate for a time to rest. (SD) I also might see, but not always, some sort of finesse, not literally, but finesse hangs around me like a misty, good smelling, but toxic mist. (CM) Finesse always takes me the long way and I often find my self looking down the longer, steeper and rougher trail when a perfectly good flat road of cobblestone lies to the other side, incurving, and staying flat, but many pass along this road, and it has turned grey and worn, and I would much rather turn my head to the path overgrown with exuberant colors and flowers. (CM) However, under the bright mountains blooms lies a thicket of thorny Fabaceae making the trek much harder than it need be. (CS) I need to be careful because my unhappy and finesse mood leads me to desperation which will lead me to no good.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Essay 5
Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
18/10/10
The Long Lost:
An Essay on Your Feelings When Discovering a Lost Parent
(TS) Imagine for just one second, that for as long as you can remember, and a time before, your parents were dead. (CM) You live alone, adapting to having to learn everything first hand. (CM) Then, one day, your parents renter your life; and living alone becomes a very different story. (TH) That time of readjusting might be very difficult with many feelings passing alone through your mind and heart.
(TS) The feelings of Luci Manette when she meets her father are portrayed very well by Dickens using several writing techniques. (SD) Dialogue is used extensively within the parteds’ meeting, forced miles away from each other, not knowing the others whereabouts. (CM) The feelings of Luci are caught very well with the use of varied dialogue; Dickens varies the lengths of monologues from short, shocked bursts, to long protracted speeches. (CM) However, the short sentences such as, “Who are you?”(Dickens, 46) are incredibly powerful, and they do their job with perfection and dignity. (SD) The use of action is used exceedingly well by Dickens to give the reader a very clear picture of what is happening during the Manettes’ meeting. (CM) It is easy to write about two people standing in a room talking to each other, but Dickens make this conversation seem so real by putting in ever movement. (CM) These movements however do not take up pages, they are brief and are over with quickly, such as this quote, “Not yet trusting the tones of her voice, she sat down on the bench beside him. He recoiled, but she laid her hand upon his arm.” (Dickens, 46). (SD) Parallelism is used for its rhythm and beauty, which can make an emotional section quite entertaining. (CM) When a writer uses parallelism, it can really get a point across. (CM) Dickens uses this well in this piece of dialogue, “No, no, no; you are too young, to blooming.” (CS) The use of, and writing inside and around dialogue in the reuniting of Luci Manette and her father really makes it a great piece of writing.
(TS) If I had been told that my parents were dead only to find that years later they were still alive, I would have a multitude of emotions. (SD) First of all, I would feel betrayed. (CM) I would feel lied to by who ever had told that my parents died. (CM) I would also feel abandoned by my parents because they were not there. (SD) I would also feel tricked. (CM) I believe that I would be reluctant to believing my parents were still alive. (CM) Having lived in this body for 14 years, I know it would take a lot to convince me that the two people there are my parents. (SD) I would also feel brought back. (CM) Over 20 years, my life would have adapted to having no parents, to a new life. (CM) Once my parents return to my life, my whole lifestyle has to go backwards 20 years. (CS) At first thought, the reuniting would be very pleasant, but after 20 years of living alone, things might be different.
(TS) If you just discovered your parents after believing they were dead for your whole life, you might have a whole host feelings and ideas. (CM) A person might feel betrayed, or abandoned, or blissful, or distressed, or lied to, or any number of feelings. (CM) It is difficult to think of how you would respond because few people personally relate to this. (CS) The only true way to know how you would react would be for it to happen to them, and no one wants to know that badly.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Self Assessment
1. What is one writing issue that you are continuing to work on?
I am continuing to work on making sure I catch all my mistakes and make sure all my sentences are where they should be
2. What is one possible strong point you see in this writing?
I believe that my first body paragraph was very well written. I spent a very long time trying to use the write words and use long sentences that did not sound long and boring.
3. What is one weak point you see in this writing?
I believe that my second body paragraph is my biggest weak point because I tried to use lots of short sentences to change it up from the first paragraph. However, I believe I used too many short sentences and was not able to achieve the sound I was going for.
4. Grade?
I would give myself an A- on this essay because I believe that it is very well written and I spent a very long time working on this essay and I believe my effort should earn any less.
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
18/10/10
The Long Lost:
An Essay on Your Feelings When Discovering a Lost Parent
(TS) Imagine for just one second, that for as long as you can remember, and a time before, your parents were dead. (CM) You live alone, adapting to having to learn everything first hand. (CM) Then, one day, your parents renter your life; and living alone becomes a very different story. (TH) That time of readjusting might be very difficult with many feelings passing alone through your mind and heart.
(TS) The feelings of Luci Manette when she meets her father are portrayed very well by Dickens using several writing techniques. (SD) Dialogue is used extensively within the parteds’ meeting, forced miles away from each other, not knowing the others whereabouts. (CM) The feelings of Luci are caught very well with the use of varied dialogue; Dickens varies the lengths of monologues from short, shocked bursts, to long protracted speeches. (CM) However, the short sentences such as, “Who are you?”(Dickens, 46) are incredibly powerful, and they do their job with perfection and dignity. (SD) The use of action is used exceedingly well by Dickens to give the reader a very clear picture of what is happening during the Manettes’ meeting. (CM) It is easy to write about two people standing in a room talking to each other, but Dickens make this conversation seem so real by putting in ever movement. (CM) These movements however do not take up pages, they are brief and are over with quickly, such as this quote, “Not yet trusting the tones of her voice, she sat down on the bench beside him. He recoiled, but she laid her hand upon his arm.” (Dickens, 46). (SD) Parallelism is used for its rhythm and beauty, which can make an emotional section quite entertaining. (CM) When a writer uses parallelism, it can really get a point across. (CM) Dickens uses this well in this piece of dialogue, “No, no, no; you are too young, to blooming.” (CS) The use of, and writing inside and around dialogue in the reuniting of Luci Manette and her father really makes it a great piece of writing.
(TS) If I had been told that my parents were dead only to find that years later they were still alive, I would have a multitude of emotions. (SD) First of all, I would feel betrayed. (CM) I would feel lied to by who ever had told that my parents died. (CM) I would also feel abandoned by my parents because they were not there. (SD) I would also feel tricked. (CM) I believe that I would be reluctant to believing my parents were still alive. (CM) Having lived in this body for 14 years, I know it would take a lot to convince me that the two people there are my parents. (SD) I would also feel brought back. (CM) Over 20 years, my life would have adapted to having no parents, to a new life. (CM) Once my parents return to my life, my whole lifestyle has to go backwards 20 years. (CS) At first thought, the reuniting would be very pleasant, but after 20 years of living alone, things might be different.
(TS) If you just discovered your parents after believing they were dead for your whole life, you might have a whole host feelings and ideas. (CM) A person might feel betrayed, or abandoned, or blissful, or distressed, or lied to, or any number of feelings. (CM) It is difficult to think of how you would respond because few people personally relate to this. (CS) The only true way to know how you would react would be for it to happen to them, and no one wants to know that badly.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Self Assessment
1. What is one writing issue that you are continuing to work on?
I am continuing to work on making sure I catch all my mistakes and make sure all my sentences are where they should be
2. What is one possible strong point you see in this writing?
I believe that my first body paragraph was very well written. I spent a very long time trying to use the write words and use long sentences that did not sound long and boring.
3. What is one weak point you see in this writing?
I believe that my second body paragraph is my biggest weak point because I tried to use lots of short sentences to change it up from the first paragraph. However, I believe I used too many short sentences and was not able to achieve the sound I was going for.
4. Grade?
I would give myself an A- on this essay because I believe that it is very well written and I spent a very long time working on this essay and I believe my effort should earn any less.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Martha's Vineyard
Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
10/09/10
The long but short bus ride to Martha’s Vineyard was not an eventful one. The activities during and after the trip was a lot more eventful than the trip itself. During the trips on the ferry, the card games and sea breeze was a much welcomed brake to the cramped and crowded bus. After a long but short trip ended, another trip began, but this was a trip through a much shorter distance. The aquarium was very eventful. You walked along a hall being watched by lots of little fishy eyes. The small shark eyes of the dogfish staring loathingly at passerbies. The snowy grouper frowning. Its yeses glare at every person. Its body perfectly still, and its tail not even fluttering in the slightest breeze. But still we move on to the coldest and wettest place our expedition saw throughout our whole escapade. The trails were muddy the heavens pouring, the trees sagging, the feet dragging, and no bugs to be had. The map faded and tore and spirits did not soar. In fact, the spirits died, as well as moral. But the three trudged on. The end of the sassafras trail finally came into sight through the branches and leaves of the forest, The longer walk across the small lakes of collected rain make my shoes flood with water, However we do make it back where we draw live and dead animals,. The hawk looms over all, but I am the only one brace enough to attempt to capture the terrible, gentle feathers. So we moved on, devouring an entire coop full of chickens. The dark sauce glistened on the grill chicken as my knifed tore through the meat. So far, I had had tons of fun at Martha’s Vineyard.
The shadow is cast toward me, the sun in front of me. I can not see the sun, even though the light grows dim as it slips into the waves. J The rock is perched on the edge of the cliff right above the crashing and rolling waves. The white foam rides up the waves, as if it were snow on a winter’s day. The wind howls over the sand and up and over the red cliffs. The wisps of clouds sluggishly crawls across the sky wish has at last turned from grey to bight blue with a spot of crimson and gold by the endless blue of the sea. The one rock stands alone, yes there are other rocks that tower over the duns, other rocks balancing on a cliff, other rocks that tower over the sand, it is not the biggest or the most difficultly balanced but it is the proudest of all that stand above the mess of other rocks. This rock stands in the waves that crash all about it; this rock was the quickest to stand on its own this rock is not the most pretty but it is the most beautiful. This one solitary rock was the one picked to be silhouetted the one the sun picked to frame in the fires on red and yellow. This one rock, the perfect rock.
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
10/09/10
The long but short bus ride to Martha’s Vineyard was not an eventful one. The activities during and after the trip was a lot more eventful than the trip itself. During the trips on the ferry, the card games and sea breeze was a much welcomed brake to the cramped and crowded bus. After a long but short trip ended, another trip began, but this was a trip through a much shorter distance. The aquarium was very eventful. You walked along a hall being watched by lots of little fishy eyes. The small shark eyes of the dogfish staring loathingly at passerbies. The snowy grouper frowning. Its yeses glare at every person. Its body perfectly still, and its tail not even fluttering in the slightest breeze. But still we move on to the coldest and wettest place our expedition saw throughout our whole escapade. The trails were muddy the heavens pouring, the trees sagging, the feet dragging, and no bugs to be had. The map faded and tore and spirits did not soar. In fact, the spirits died, as well as moral. But the three trudged on. The end of the sassafras trail finally came into sight through the branches and leaves of the forest, The longer walk across the small lakes of collected rain make my shoes flood with water, However we do make it back where we draw live and dead animals,. The hawk looms over all, but I am the only one brace enough to attempt to capture the terrible, gentle feathers. So we moved on, devouring an entire coop full of chickens. The dark sauce glistened on the grill chicken as my knifed tore through the meat. So far, I had had tons of fun at Martha’s Vineyard.
The shadow is cast toward me, the sun in front of me. I can not see the sun, even though the light grows dim as it slips into the waves. J The rock is perched on the edge of the cliff right above the crashing and rolling waves. The white foam rides up the waves, as if it were snow on a winter’s day. The wind howls over the sand and up and over the red cliffs. The wisps of clouds sluggishly crawls across the sky wish has at last turned from grey to bight blue with a spot of crimson and gold by the endless blue of the sea. The one rock stands alone, yes there are other rocks that tower over the duns, other rocks balancing on a cliff, other rocks that tower over the sand, it is not the biggest or the most difficultly balanced but it is the proudest of all that stand above the mess of other rocks. This rock stands in the waves that crash all about it; this rock was the quickest to stand on its own this rock is not the most pretty but it is the most beautiful. This one solitary rock was the one picked to be silhouetted the one the sun picked to frame in the fires on red and yellow. This one rock, the perfect rock.
Martha's Vineyard
Ben’jamin
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
10/09/10
The long but short bus ride to Martha’s Vineyard was not an eventful one. The activities during and after the trip was a lot more eventful than the trip itself. During the trips on the ferry, the card games and sea breeze was a much welcomed brake to the cramped and crowded bus. After a long but short trip ended, another trip began, but this was a trip through a much shorter distance. The aquarium was very eventful. You walked along a hall being watched by lots of little fishy eyes. The small shark eyes of the dogfish staring loathingly at passerbies. The snowy grouper frowning. Its yeses glare at every person. Its body perfectly still, and its tail not even fluttering in the slightest breeze. But still we move on to the coldest and wettest place our expedition saw throughout our whole escapade. The trails were muddy the heavens pouring, the trees sagging, the feet dragging, and no bugs to be had. The map faded and tore and spirits did not soar. In fact, the spirits died, as well as moral. But the three trudged on. The end of the sassafras trail finally came into sight through the branches and leaves of the forest, The longer walk across the small lakes of collected rain make my shoes flood with water, However we do make it back where we draw live and dead animals,. The hawk looms over all, but I am the only one brace enough to attempt to capture the terrible, gentle feathers. So we moved on, devouring an entire coop full of chickens. The dark sauce glistened on the grill chicken as my knifed tore through the meat. So far, I had had tons of fun at Martha’s Vineyard.
The shadow is cast toward me, the sun in front of me. I can not see the sun, even though the light grows dim as it slips into the waves. J The rock is perched on the edge of the cliff right above the crashing and rolling waves. The white foam rides up the waves, as if it were snow on a winter’s day. The wind howls over the sand and up and over the red cliffs. The wisps of clouds sluggishly crawls across the sky wish has at last turned from grey to bight blue with a spot of crimson and gold by the endless blue of the sea. The one rock stands alone, yes there are other rocks that tower over the duns, other rocks balancing on a cliff, other rocks that tower over the sand, it is not the biggest or the most difficultly balanced but it is the proudest of all that stand above the mess of other rocks. This rock stands in the waves that crash all about it; this rock was the quickest to stand on its own this rock is not the most pretty but it is the most beautiful. This one solitary rock was the one picked to be silhouetted the one the sun picked to frame in the fires on red and yellow. This one rock, the perfect rock.
Mr. H Salsich
English 9
10/09/10
The long but short bus ride to Martha’s Vineyard was not an eventful one. The activities during and after the trip was a lot more eventful than the trip itself. During the trips on the ferry, the card games and sea breeze was a much welcomed brake to the cramped and crowded bus. After a long but short trip ended, another trip began, but this was a trip through a much shorter distance. The aquarium was very eventful. You walked along a hall being watched by lots of little fishy eyes. The small shark eyes of the dogfish staring loathingly at passerbies. The snowy grouper frowning. Its yeses glare at every person. Its body perfectly still, and its tail not even fluttering in the slightest breeze. But still we move on to the coldest and wettest place our expedition saw throughout our whole escapade. The trails were muddy the heavens pouring, the trees sagging, the feet dragging, and no bugs to be had. The map faded and tore and spirits did not soar. In fact, the spirits died, as well as moral. But the three trudged on. The end of the sassafras trail finally came into sight through the branches and leaves of the forest, The longer walk across the small lakes of collected rain make my shoes flood with water, However we do make it back where we draw live and dead animals,. The hawk looms over all, but I am the only one brace enough to attempt to capture the terrible, gentle feathers. So we moved on, devouring an entire coop full of chickens. The dark sauce glistened on the grill chicken as my knifed tore through the meat. So far, I had had tons of fun at Martha’s Vineyard.
The shadow is cast toward me, the sun in front of me. I can not see the sun, even though the light grows dim as it slips into the waves. J The rock is perched on the edge of the cliff right above the crashing and rolling waves. The white foam rides up the waves, as if it were snow on a winter’s day. The wind howls over the sand and up and over the red cliffs. The wisps of clouds sluggishly crawls across the sky wish has at last turned from grey to bight blue with a spot of crimson and gold by the endless blue of the sea. The one rock stands alone, yes there are other rocks that tower over the duns, other rocks balancing on a cliff, other rocks that tower over the sand, it is not the biggest or the most difficultly balanced but it is the proudest of all that stand above the mess of other rocks. This rock stands in the waves that crash all about it; this rock was the quickest to stand on its own this rock is not the most pretty but it is the most beautiful. This one solitary rock was the one picked to be silhouetted the one the sun picked to frame in the fires on red and yellow. This one rock, the perfect rock.
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